50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #13-15

#15: Homer Simpson

Born: May 12, 1972

Where he is now: As of 2013, Homer's and Marge's relationship has finally ended after Homer blew the family savings on an underwater house. She started dating Krusty the Clown, and eventually, Homer fought him to win her back. Homer was beaten, but Marge still decided to go back to him.

While Homer’s stupid antics often upset his family, he has also performed various acts that show him to be a surprisingly loving father and hubby. For instance, he sold his cherished ride on the Duff Blimp and used the money to enter Lisa into a beauty pageant just so she could feel better about herself. He also stopped pursuing his opportunity for riches and power by allowing Maggie to keep a teddy bear she loved. If those are not enough, he also led an attempt to rescue Bart from a well he had fallen down into. This comes across to viewers as a major feat, given Homer’s disdain for physical labor.

#14: Dwight Schrute, The Office

Born: January 20, 1968

Where he is now: Regional Manager of DM; Married to Angela Martin;

If there is any TV character ever capable of being the idiot and making Michael Scott the occasional straight man, it’s Dwight Schrute. The funny thing is that we all know a Dwight in our own personal lives. You should comment and share some funny things your Dwight has done. Mine is my unnamed classmate, who stood up and interrupted a university class because the professor incorrectly identified Lee Harvey Oswald’s rifle as a “gun.” The argument of who killed Kennedy never even came up, but instead, they spent the entire class arguing over whether a rifle is a gun or not.

Most defining moment: Dwight stages an unannounced fire drill by blocking all the exits and filling the office with smoke, resulting in Stanley having a heart attack. In the ensuing mandatory safety meeting, Dwight declares the mannequin dead and rips the chest open to preserve the “patient’s” heart. He also peels the face off the mannequin, wears it, and says, “Hello, Clarice” to the rest of the horrified workers.

                                    #13: Dexter Morgan, Dexter

Born: February 1, 1971

Where he is now: Most intelligent fans and critics say the show really died when the Trinity Killer did. As for Dexter, (sigh), I have to be true to the story. As of 3 months ago, he was still… He was still a l--, a lumberj-, I can’t even type it. But really, a lumberjack? A LUMBERJACK… UCCKKK.

Dexter considers himself emotionally separated from the rest of humanity; in his narration, he often refers to "humans" as if he is not one of them. That, really, is what we loved about Dexter…until the later seasons. In Seasons 1-4 Dexter was careful, listened to Harry, tried to honor his code, and kept viewers on the edges of our seats. Then Lumen happened. Then Dexter became careless, stopped listening to his hallucinations, abandoned the code, and flip-flopped around with his feelings at the expense of his audience’s sanity (and a few points in his ranking as the greatest TV character ever).

Most defining moment: Failing to plunge the knife into his adopted sister, Dexter fought and killed his biological brother, instead. This was the defining fork in the road for Dexter, as he began to explore his humanity after this.





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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #10-12

#12: Marshal Matt Dillon, Gunsmoke

B: Around 1830 (The creator of the show said Dillon, as a young boy, saw his mother taking a bath in 1840)

D: Around 1912 is what we are going with, since James Arness died at 88

Before we even get into what makes Marshall Dillon great, just look at the size of his hands! He brought his 6’7” stature into Dodge City and, subsequently, living rooms all across America in the 50s and stayed strong and true well into the 70s. The ultimate “good old boy,” Matt Dillon doesn’t always save the girl or recover the stolen bank money, but he always does the right thing, and he generally does come out on top.

Most defining moment: His goodbye to Kitty speaks volumes about his simplicity:

Matt Dillon: I was wonderin' if you were going to come to say goodbye.

Kitty Russell: I was wonderin' too. It isn't easy.

Matt Dillon: No, Kitty, it isn't.

Kitty Russell: Matt, I-I don't you want to think... Well, it isn't that it's...

Matt Dillon: Kitty, we've never needed explanations, have we?

Kitty Russell: No. Goodbye, Matt

Matt Dillon: Goodbye, Kitty

                            #11: George Costanza, Seinfeld

B: 1953

Where he is now: We will soon find out. Jerry Seinfeld announced 3 days ago that another reunion will be released soon.

Go ahead and tell Seinfeld creator and star of Curb Your Enthusiasm Larry David that George is a buffoon and an idiot, incapable of being smart. I dare you. George’s character was based on Larry, and the laughs just never stop coming. His narcissism and unwavering pursuit to right all the wrongs are precisely what makes him the most important character on the greatest comedy TV show ever made.

Most defining moment: George’s fiancé dies from licking the apparently poisonous seals of their wedding invitations, of which George only bought because they were the cheapest ones available. 

                              #10: Michael Scott, The Office

Born: March 15, 1964

Where he is now: Director of Paper Distribution for the Department of Natural Resources

Michael Scott is not a very efficient office manager, and he really isn’t the best person either. He brings immaturity to new levels, and his selfishness introduces us to a plethora of schemes and childishness to make sure things go his way. He is, however, an amazing salesman, which is why he has been promoted to where he is. His gaffs, indecencies, and facial expressions are what make him one of the most beloved characters ever.

Most defining moment: While driving, he trusts his GPS navigating system over Dwight when he ignores Dwight’s screaming and pleading and coasts into a lake because he believes the GPS told him to.








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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #7-9

#9: Dr. Gregory House, House, M.D.

B: June 11, 1959

D: Maybe dead by now… Wilson probably died within months from his cancer, and House, who was already on a severe downward spiral at the conclusion of the final episode, would not have gotten any better after his best friend’s death. I’m thinking suicide by overdose.

He is arrogant yet self-loathing, unbearingly critical yet full of double standards, and maybe the smartest guy on the planet while continually failing to manage his addiction to pain-killers. He hates everybody, but has a special hatred for religious people, figures of authority, and patients who think they understand the world of medicine.

Most defining moment: A mom brings her baby in because she has a cold. Dr. House asks her when the baby was vaccinated. The mom says she doesn’t believe in vaccinations, so Dr. House writes her a prescription for a baby coffin and sarcastically praises her for her stance against the pharmaceutical companies and their vaccinations.

                   #8: Omar Little, The Wire

B: 1974

D: February 2008, Shot by a kid whose father Omar had killed

The fan favorite of what many call the greatest TV series ever produced, Omar is the most feared gangster in Baltimore. He is a rugged anti-hero with his scrappiness and Robin Hood-like methodology of pilfering loot from other bad guys. If you hear him whistling, “The Farmer in the Dell,” you better scatter. Beware of him and his double-barreled shotgun.

Most defining moment: Omar breaks in and interrupts a high-rolling poker game and steals all the money. Marlo, a big-time drug dealer, says, “That’s my money.” Omar replies, “Man, money ain’t got no owners. Only spenders.”

             #7: Tony Soprano, The Sopranos

B: August 24, 1959

D: June 10, 2007, Shot by an unknown assassin (and yes, he was 100% most definitely shot and killed: Explanation

There is no anti-hero status here. Even his most redeeming qualities, i.e. love for family, loyalty, vision for success, all get torn down the very second he builds and rebuilds that trust with the audience. He is selfish, unfaithful, greedy, and completely unwilling to share the spotlight with anybody. But that is what puts him so high on this list. People enjoy witnessing the fireworks-- the violent, unpredictable, inconsistent nature of his reign of terror.

Most defining moment: A man from another gang does something to hurt Meadow, so Tony almost beats him to death before curbing him. Click HERE if you aren’t sure what curbing means.







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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #4-6

#6: Al Swearengen, Deadwood

Born: July 8, 1845

Died:  According to his rediscovered obituary, Swearengen was found dead in the middle of a suburban Denver street on November 15, 1904. He apparently died of a massive head wound and was not hopping a freight train as is often reported.

If HBO had created Deadwood from the perspective of one of the women who worked in the Gem Saloon, this guy would automatically be a top-5 villain of all-time. Instead, Al Swearengen is the star of the show. Subsequently, viewers forgive his murders, corruption, and unbending brutality toward the prostitutes he employs. He does show some humanity at times, and he brings a sinister charm to mix with his wit and charisma when dealing with people.

#5: Archie Bunker, All in the Family

Born: May 20, 1924

Died: June 21, 2001

In January 1971, a new sitcom called All in the Family appeared on CBS television. Its central figure was Archie Bunker, a white, working-class, World War II veteran from the Astoria section of Queens. The show’s humor derived from Bunker’s poorly articulated bigotry and resentment against the social changes of the 1960s—feminism, the counterculture, youth and antiwar activism, legalized abortion, expanded roles for minorities, open homosexuality—and his confrontations with those new forces in his own family and neighborhood. The sitcom was one of the first to deal openly with such controversial topics, and it struck such a chord with American viewers that it was the number-one rated show for the first five of its eight years on the air.

         #4: Heahtcliff Huxtable, The Cosby Show

Born: October 1937

Where he is now: More than likely retired and enjoying time with grandkids, and probably a great-grandkid or two

Not even two decades following passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Bill Cosby and NBC did something Martin Luther King would have certainly smiled about. Leading an all-African American cast, he was repeatedly invited into millions of White America’s living rooms via the screen. Sure, Heathcliff Huxtable was funny, but week after week his character subtly delivered key educational truths the American public needed to understand.

Most defining moment: Countless moments in various episodes where Cliff would show his unwavering involvement and support in his children’s academic lives.












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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #2, #3

               #3: Walter White, Breaking Bad

Born: September 7, 1959

Died: September 7, 2011, after sustaining a gunshot to the stomach

Though this may be stating the obvious, Walter White is a main reason that Breaking Bad conclusively lives in the Top 5 of every credible Greatest of All-Time list. From seasons 1-5, Walter makes a perfect and gradual transition from victim to villain. Critics can look back on the life of Walter and declare it either a victory or a tragedy. On one hand he beats cancer by going out on his own terms, and he does leave millions of dollars for his family in the end. The downside, of course, is that his reputation has been completely destroyed, and his legacy he leaves behind is one of lies, murder, and drug-dealing.

Most defining moment: He poisons and almost kills a child, and then he frames someone else in order to get what he wants. Was he absolutely sure the child would live when he poisoned him? If so, was he justified in doing it? Questions like these are what make WW such a great character.

                   #2: Don Draper, Mad Men

Born: Unknown

Where he is now: More than likely dead. He was born in about 1928 or so, and he was a heavy drinker and heavy smoker. Plus he slept with many married women, so you’d think their husbands might be coming after him one of these days… IF he is somehow still alive, he is probably in a nursing home or hospital.

Everybody loves Don, except maybe all the women he has slept with and thrown away. Just in case you are not keeping score, the current count is 15 women as of Season 6. Everybody he knows calls him the best ad agent they have ever known. Of course, none of this is true, as the real Don Draper is probably buried somewhere in an unmarked graveyard in Korea. Dick Whitman, on the other hand, might just razzle and dazzle your hot wife if you don’t take care of her.














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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #1

#1: Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy

Born: Unknown, but Lucille Ball was born August 6, 1911

Died: April 26, 1989

We Love Lucy. In all probability, red-headed comedienne Lucille Ball will never be dethroned as the queen of television comedy. Yet her path to stardom was not easy and would have most certainly deterred others with thinner skins and less determination. When she enrolled in drama school at age 15, she was told she had no talent. In Hollywood, beginning in the 1930s, she was miscast in dozens of films. Only when she turned to radio comedy in the late 1940s did her potential begin to emerge. The character she played – the scatterbrained wife of a Midwestern banker – showcased Ball’s comedic genius and impeccable timing and inspired her to turn her concept into a television series.

With television in its infancy, Ball saw an opportunity to sell I Love Lucy to CBS. The series would chronicle the madcap marriage of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, a Cuban bandleader with a distinctive Latin accent and would star Ball and her real-life husband, Desi Arnaz. The couple walked away from the deal when network executives objected to Arnaz’s involvement. To prove that the public was ready for the show, Ball and Arnaz took their act on tour and financed a 30-minute pilot that ultimately convinced the network to move ahead. With similar determination, she insisted on using film rather than less expensive kinescope, performing before a live audience, and owning the program herself. When the deal was struck, Ball became the most powerful woman in television.

With a hand in writing, directing and editing the show, she was instrumental in shaping the Lucy character into television’s first physical comedienne – one who reflected the frustration women were having as housewives. Lucy Ricardo was forever scheming to break into show business or get a job, despite her husband’s objections. When Ball found out she was pregnant, she insisted that her condition be written into the script; it was the first time a pregnant woman had been depicted on TV. Little Ricky’s birth on January 19, 1953 drew an estimated 44 million viewers, breaking all records.

Ball’s performances were must-see TV between 1951 and 1974 in three different series and numerous specials. She perfected her timing, elastic facial expressions, adroit pantomime and husky-voiced delivery during hours of rehearsal. Almost nothing was ad-libbed. Her brand of comedy paved the way for the likes of Carol Burnett, Penny Marshall and Mary Tyler Moore. This is why she is #1.

To see the Most Intelligent TV Characters of All-Time, click HERE

Most Intelligent: #1

#1: Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock

He makes it a point to NOT know anything about pop culture, including sports and entertainment; however, he knows absolutely everything about horrific crimes committed, various murders in general, anatomy, and has a profound understanding of most of the sciences. He is also an expert violinist. He is also an expert crypto-analyst, which comes in handy with his cases. His photographic memory, paired with his ability to process probabilities and break down crime scenes in just seconds makes him an impossible foe to elude.

Weakness: He has no idea how to relate to people, but he does not care.

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