Sunday, February 2, 2014

50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: Introduction



TV shows have now been available, to some extent, for over 75 years. Of course, most people did not even own a television set well into the 1950s. So, after sifting through a rigorous survey of all the critically-acclaimed programs (and some less heralded), we have nailed down the 50 greatest TV characters ever. Longevity helps, which is why Senator/Vice President Frank Underwood only merits honorable mention at this time. Tobias Funke also brought tears of laughter to all of us at times, but his appearances did not quite make the show what it was, so he stands as a blue mention of honor. Also, just to make things interesting, if a particular TV character concluded his or her program still alive, we assumed that their character dies along with the actor (when applicable). For example, Agent Maxwell Smart never really died, but Don Adams died in 2005. With that, we feel like Agent Smart passed away in 2005 along with Adams. Please feel free to post your agreements or disagreements with our list, but more importantly, try to see things our way. **THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS INSIDE, SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION**

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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: Honorable Mention

It was an unbearingly difficult decision to leave out the following characters, who were some of the all-time greats in their own merits. If you want to lash out and be angry, we completely understand and empathize. 



Major Charles Winchester, M*A*S*H







          Major Dick Winters, Band of Brothers










                Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers









Liz Lemon, 30 Rock


















 Benjamin Matlock, Matlock











Jax Teller, Sons of Anarchy



















Lily Aldrin, How I Met Your Mother


















Tobias Funke, Arrested Development























Sylar, Heroes


























Clay Morrow, Sons of Anarchy


























Benjamin Linus, Lost

























Paulie Gualtieri, The Sopranos



















Jimmy Darmody, Boardwalk Empire



























Buster Bluth, Arrested Development




















Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners








Click HERE to see our countdown of the greatest all-time characters in television history!












50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #16-18

                               #18: Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld
Born: Around 1950

Where he is now: We will soon find out, as Jerry Seinfeld just announced another Seinfeld reunion.

It took about 4 or 5 seasons before the audience finally stopped applauding every first time Kramer would storm into Jerry’s apartment. He is the clear fan favorite from the popular sketch comedy, and even snotty intellectuals who call Kramer the only real dimwit on the show still appreciate the color he brings. He reprises his role, years later, in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and shows he has still not changed much.


















             #17: Mary Richards, Mary Tyler Moore
Born: April 1939


Where she is now: As revealed in the 2000 made-for-television movie Mary and Rhoda, Mary later marries a congressman named Steven Cronin with whom she has a daughter, Rose. After her husband's death in a rock climbing accident, Mary discovers that her husband squandered their money in his reelection campaigns. She relocates to New York City, reconnects with her best friend Rhoda, and is hired at a network program.

Mary Richards was for women what Cliff Huxtable was for the African-American community. While it’s true that Lucille Ball opened the door for women, Mary Tyler Moore paved the way for a growing population in 1970s America: divorced women. As co-producer of a local television news network in Minneapolis, Mary Richards showed that a divorced single woman can maintain a successful career, live independently, and date whoever she chooses without having a husband or parents to lean on. 


















                                               #16: Jack Bauer, 24
Born: February 18, 1966

Where he is now: Trying to stay out of harm’s way, but 24 is coming back soon, so we will update this just as soon as we can

Is there anything Jack Bauer can’t do? He has saved the day nine different times now (and they seem pretty sure the series is coming back for more thrills). We have watched for years now as Jack has almost singlehandedly taken on Islamic terrorists, the Russian mob, and even a President (who looked and talked eerily similar to Richard Nixon, yeah?). Somehow in 9 seasons, which equals nine different 24-hour days, Jack has never eaten nor pooped.

Most defining moment: Early on in Season 1, Jack and the CTU are trying to get information from a suspect. The bad guy refuses to talk, smirks, and says they are powerless to do anything to him. Jack says, “Oh really?” He then proceeds to pull out his .45 and blows the guy’s head off.









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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #19-21

#21: Barney Fife, Andy Griffith Show

Born: 1924

Died: 2006

Sometimes considered a blowhard with delusions of grandeur, Barney fancies himself an expert on firearms, women, singing and just about any other topic of conversation brought up while he is around. Conversely, Andy knows that Barney's false bravado is a smokescreen for his insecurities, and low self-confidence.

Most defining moment: In one episode, Barney brags that he knows about the Emancipation Proclamation. When Andy calls Barney's bluff and asks him to explain it to Opie for his history class, Barney becomes defensive and blurts out that it was a proclamation for emancipation, and leaves irritated.


















#20: Frank Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond

Born: 1932

Died: December 13, 2006 (Richard Boyle)

It’s difficult to pick one person from the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond in terms of who the favorite is. Besides Raymond, who is arguably one of the worst TV characters ever, the other characters are just about exactly even in terms of lines given, flare, stage presence, and what they bring to the show overall. Frank, however, is blatant, obscene, and always straightforward, and people love seeing him on-screen.

Most defining moment: While sitting at the kitchen table, Richard Boyle, the actor who portrays Frank, goes to insult Marie as per the script, but then in real life he begins choking. Viewers can clearly see the other actors immediately starting to express real-life concern; however, Boyle improvises and says, “Ah, crap, I was choking. Set me up again, Marie!” The scene stayed, untouched.

















#19: Sheriff Andy Taylor, The Andy Griffith Show
Born: 1926

Died: 2012

“America’s Sheriff,” Andy Taylor knows everybody’s name in the town of Mayberry, North Carolina. He frequents Floyd’s barber shop, provides jail shelter for Otis, the town drunk, and always seems to put up with highly annoying Aunt Bea, while also dealing with that idiot son of his.









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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #22-24

#24: Frasier Crane, Cheers/Frasier
Born: December 1952

Where he is now: In "Caught in the Act" (2004), Frasier's ex-wife Nanny G (Laurie Metcalf), real name Nanette Guzman, is tired of being the children's song singer and tries to rekindle, but Frasier refuses. (Nanny G was previously portrayed by Emma Thompson in Cheers episode "One Hugs, the Other Doesn't" (1992) and by Dina Spybey in "Don Juan in Hell, Part 2" (2001) as part of Frasier's imaginary dream.) Later, he falls in love with the matchmaker Charlotte Connor (Laura Linney), but the romance turns out to be short-lived when she moves to Chicago. In the 2004 two-part series finale, "Goodnight, Seattle", Frasier is offered a job as the host of his own television talk show, located in San Francisco and has decided to take it. However, in the final scene of the show, It is revealed that Frasier has taken an airplane to Chicago where Charlotte has moved. 




















                                  #23: Mister Spock, Star Trek
Born: 2230

Where he is now: Spock carried a life-long interest in art, literature, poetry, music (especially the Vulcan lute and the piano), and three-dimensional chess. (TOS: "Requiem for Methuselah", "Where No Man Has Gone Before", "Charlie X", "The Cloud Minders", "Court Martial"; TAS: "The Jihad", "The Magicks of Megas-Tu") He disliked Italian food, possibly because like most Vulcans, he was a vegetarian. (TOS: "All Our Yesterdays"; TAS: "The Slaver Weapon"; Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home)Spock carried a life-long interest in art, literature, poetry, music (especially the Vulcan lute and the piano), and three-dimensional chess. (TOS: "Requiem for Methuselah", "Where No Man Has Gone Before", "Charlie X", "The Cloud Minders", "Court Martial"; TAS: "The Jihad", "The Magicks of Megas-Tu") He disliked Italian food, possibly because like most Vulcans, he was a vegetarian. (TOS: "All Our Yesterdays"; TAS: "The Slaver Weapon"; Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home)
















                      #22: Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad
Born: September 1984

Where he is now: Probably prison… We see almost no way the feds allow him to walk in the aftermath of the finale.


Jesse is impulsive, hedonistic, and uneducated, but also personable and possesses street-smarts. He talks in playful slang, frequently using words like "yo" and "bitch", and likes to wear garish clothing that follows the latest trends in youth culture, play video games, listen to loud music, take recreational drugs, and drive cars outfitted with gadgets to make them "bounce". Jesse's MyShout page lists his general interests as "Fine herbage! Keepin' it real, Jui Ryo Ki Kung-Fu (blue belt with shuriken certification). Bangin' the skins with my smokin' band 'TwaüghtHammër'. European motorcross (plan to attend Wheelie School in Vegas this summer. MILF's, MILF's, MILF's, MILF's!" Also on his MyShout page, Jesse mentions "I'm totally cool with ethnics - Black, Mexican, whatever...as long as you're SMOKIN' HOT, YO!" Jesse often enjoyed hanging out and smoking with his friends, Badger and Skinny Pete, and purchasing items like a giant-screen television for his home or a Roomba vacuum cleaner.







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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #25-27

#27: Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Born: July 2, 1947

Where he is now: Last time we left him, 2 years ago, he was in Paris, arguing with a man about a poorly-executed parking job.

Let’s face it: we all have a little bit of Larry David in us. Just think about how frequently we abide by societal customs that make little to no sense to us, yet we do them just because everybody else does. Not Larry. He has no filter, and we enjoy every minute of watching him. He usually ends up on the short end of the stick in the aftermath of his gaffes, manipulations, and other actions or reactions society would otherwise deem improper, but when he wins we all smile.

























             #26: Charlie Harper, Two and a Half Men
Born: 1965

Died: Summer of 2011: Charlie Harper died in Paris after being struck by a train. The season 9 premiere featured his funeral with one of Charlie's trademark bowling shirts and a pair of cargo shorts hanging by his closed casket. Rose explained that he had proposed to her in Paris and the next few days had been happy but when she returned from shopping one day, she found him showering with another woman. The next day he fell off a Paris Métro platform and was struck by a train, his body exploding "like a balloon full of meat." (It is implied by Rose and suggested by Berta that Rose was responsible for Charlie's death with the statement "Never cross a crazy woman.")

Many longtime fans of Two and a Half Men were sure that the show was hilarious in spite of Charlie Harper, not because of him. Enter Ashton Kutcher to prove them all (me included) gravely incorrect. Charlie Harper brought to the show (and sitcoms, in general), a Stone Cold Steve Austin-like attitude, not giving a hoot about his reputation, his future, or even his own well-being. We watched for years as he had girl after girl, drink after drink, and hangover after hangover. It was not until he was gone did we realize just how intrical he truly was to the show.

Most defining moment: The crickets we hear every time Ashton Kutcher says or does anything
























#25: Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
 Born: 1981

Where he is now: The last time we left him, he was laughing the night away with James Earl Jones

There is the 1972 Miami Dolphins (not that he cares about sports), Abraham Lincoln, World War II Allied forces, China’s population, and Sheldon Cooper. Those things are all number one, at least in Sheldon’s mind. He does occasionally unveil some sort of humanity, but that is not what we want to see. No, we enjoy laughing at his failed interactions with every person he comes in contact with. By the way, next time you watch an episode you should watch Leonard’s reactions of anger every time Sheldon says or does something offensive. Seeing and understanding Leonard’s stress will give you an even bigger love for the show, just watch.

Most defining moment: Sheldon wins the Nobel Prize for Physics (has not yet happened).








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50 All-time Greatest Characters in Television History: #28-30

#30: Gustavo Fring, Breaking Bad
Born: Unknown, but the actor was born in 1958

Died: October 9, 2011

If dictionaries had photos in place of definitions, Gus Fring’s pic would sit next to the word “professionalism.”  Vocabulary perusers should bear in mind, however, that if they cross this owner of Los Pollos Hermanos, they might as well search for the word “afterlife,” as Gustavo can, and will, become bitterly ruthless if he must. Breaking Bad was such an amazing series that nobody watching would dare wander from their sets without hitting pause first; however, if they did they certainly would not do so when Gus was in the scene.

Most defining moment: Gus poisons himself and over a dozen of his most hated enemies, then goes to the men’s room. He methodically takes off his suit, delicately folds and places it on the counter, then vomits the poison drink into the commode. He puts the suit back on, then returns to watch his longtime foe bite the dust in agonizing pain.

























       #29: Robert Petrie, The Dick Van Dyke Show
Born: 1925

Where he is now: Retired

Over 50 years ago Robert Petrie was the JFK of TV. Women loved him. Men wanted to be him. A successful writer for the Alan Brady Show in Manhattan, Rob was beloved by audiences as the show enjoyed their long reign at #1 for years. Interesting trivia fact: do you know the connection between the Dick Van Dyke Show and the Big Bang Theory? Just google “the producer and director of the Dick Van Dyke Show” and see for yourself.

Most defining moment: Tripping over a goat on a mountain while skiing and "spraining his body"


























 #28: Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Born: 1974-76

Where he is now: being a surprisingly devoted father to his daughter


The last words that his uncle told him before he left were "Never stop partying". Throughout his childhood, Barney was constantly lied to by his mother to protect his feelings; for example Barney was told by his mother that he couldn't play basketball because he was too good and it wasn't fair for the other kids, but in reality his coach didn't want him on the team. Barney was also not a popular child and was always picked on. In the seventh grade, Barney was being picked on by Matthew Panning, who was bragging about how he had sex with 100 girls. In response, Barney told Matthew Panning that he would one day sleep with 200 girls, a promise he fulfills. Because Barney grew up in the city, he never learned how to drive.








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